


saihara with no shuichi

by rainhours



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives But Oma Kokichi, Crack, Crack Treated Semi-Seriously, Gen, I have no clue how to tag this shit, Not Canon Compliant, Saihara Shuichi’s Hat, no beta we die like men, yankee with no brim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24785542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainhours/pseuds/rainhours
Summary: someone steals the brim of saihara’s hat in the middle of the night and he takes it a bit too seriously.spoilers for ndrv3 chapter 5
Relationships: Saihara Shuichi/His Shitty Hat
Comments: 11
Kudos: 56





	saihara with no shuichi

Another day began at Hope’s Pe- I mean the Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juveniles. This was a rare morning, because for once, Shuichi Saihara felt like he had a reason to live. 

He felt his hat, but... something was missing. There was no edge to grab onto. Shit- there goes his reason to live.

He sat up and held the hat up to the light where he realized- 

Someone had cut off the brim to his hat.

But that wouldn’t stop him from wearing it.

***

Kaede was the first to notice. 

“Shuichi... what the fuck.”

With this, everyone turned to stare at the brimless detective hat. They fell into silence. That silence was quickly disrupted by none other than Kaito Momota.

“WOOOOOAH. YANKEE WITH NO BRIM!” Kaito shouted like the fucking clown he is. 

He quickly leapt from his seat, laughing like an idiot, and trying to film it on the Monopad because I think they have cameras right. Wait do they have monopads in v3- eh fuck it

“Hold on, lemme go around this hat!” Kaito laughed, running around Shuichi to get a view of his shitty hat from all angles. Kirumi sighed at this display of dumbassery. Korekiyo began taking notes on the interesting behaviors of humans when stimulated by unsuspected changes to their environment because that’s what anthropologists do... right

“You look like Ryoma’s older brother or something,” Miu commented. 

Ryoma, like usual, didn’t see it as too big an issue. “That’s fine. I wouldn’t mind it. I’d rather picture Saihara as a younger apprentice of mine so I could teach him, but he probably has his own lessons to teach me, so who’s to say it matters?” 

Rantaro said “It matters when you lose your fucking sisters.” This quickly killed the mood. Well done, Rantaro.

“Where did Shuichi put the hat brim?” Gonta asked. 

“You think he did that on his own will?!” Kokichi snapped. “He looks like shit! Someone must have sliced it off while we were asleep!” 

“Okay, fuck this,” Shuichi snapped, kicking Kaito in the nuts. “Scrum debate. Right here right now motherfuckers.” 

Out of some hellishly well hidden speaker, the Debate Scrum music started playing and the students formed groups to discuss potential motives and culprits to pin the blame on for this crime against humanity. 

Fifteen of the students turned around in a group and said “It was Kokichi.” 

“WHAAAAAAT?” Cried the one student not in their group, which was, in fact, Kokichi. “What evidence could you use to prove it was m-“ 

“The brim is in your back pocket, dipshit,” Kaede snapped.

Kokichi stopped and checked his back pocket, where lo and behold Saihara’s hat brim was found. Everyone but Kokichi cheered, and Shuichi might have even teared up a bit. 

“Don’t worry Shu, I can sew it back together for you!” Tsumugi said. 

“Please don’t compare me to Shu Kurenai from Beyblade Burst as he is far beyond me” Shuichi replied. 

“HOW DO YOU KNOW I PUT IT HERE?! IT COULD HAVE BEEN A REVERSE PICKPOCKETING BY SOME OTHER FOOL!” Kokichi objected, face burning red with anger.

Kiibo then used his weird printer thing to print out an image of Kokichi sneaking away from Shuichi’s room with a hat brim and a pair of scissors. “Take that you robophobic duck. Duck. Duck. Du- oh right I can’t swear”

Kokichi was at a loss for words. Except for one: 

“Damnit” 

And then Kokichi got smashed to death <3

**Author's Note:**

> it’s currently 3am. i have a doctors appointment at 11am. i’m posting this after minimal proofreading. god help me. yankee with no brim


End file.
